you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
