some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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