My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
