Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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