you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
