:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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