The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
