thus making me awesome and them whores
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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