God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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