I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
