I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
