My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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