we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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