Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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