Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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