I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
