Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize