he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
