i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
