You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
