Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
