it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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