At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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