franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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