Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
