So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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