his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
