Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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