you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
