She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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