I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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