I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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