I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
