Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
