you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
