When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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