dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Drunk is not a location!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
