I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
