This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
