it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
