omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize