best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
