I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
