So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
