My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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