There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't deserve a penis
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I AM VODKA MAN
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
