Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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