nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
