I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
