remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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