There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
