i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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