We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
