Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
