she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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