Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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