I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
did i just pee glitter
I love you. Go after that dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
