The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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