dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
