hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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