She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
