it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
