The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
