She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize