oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
