My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
