The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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