we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
