Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
