dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
