I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
