I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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