he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
