I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
