Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
