You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
