hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I did not marry a roomba.
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