it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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