I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
