I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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