How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
