I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pants are for mortals
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
