you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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