My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
