I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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