he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
