I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
