oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
