Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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