Will you blow on my dice?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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