did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
