One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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