my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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