I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
