Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
