Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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